am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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