hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
