just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
