you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
