i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
