Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
