the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
