I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
