I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
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Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
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seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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