Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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