I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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