end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
