you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
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traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
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What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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