You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize