im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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