Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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