mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
