Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
