I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
