so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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