You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
