when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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