Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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