Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
