I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
