Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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