this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
