I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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