Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
