your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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