Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
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