I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
