Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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