shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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