can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
