It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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