maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
