dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
