I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
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I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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