It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
