Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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