I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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