Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
