We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
