Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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