Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
