your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
