Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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