i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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