Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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