dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
