taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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