hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
