saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Operation Purity has been aborted
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
