isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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