I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
