This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
