I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
