just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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