I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
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no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
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If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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