If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
