Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
