I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
