Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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