you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
