U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
