At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just forgot I was standing up.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
