You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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