Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
