Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
