my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i was born a porn star she said
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
