Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
