I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
