Me. At least after what I've been through.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Randomize
