Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
