Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
