hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
