Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
