i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
