my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
