areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
