Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i already hear my dad disowning me
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
