I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
