i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
