i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
she told me i tasted like america
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
