the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
